A rollicking tale of derring-do
With a dashing hero and a winsome wench
It's just a shame it's all in French
The subtitler must have had a hell of a time
For all that Frenchie-talk is in rhyme
It's the story of Cyrano with a great big conk
And his cousin Roxane, whom he'd like to bonk
His cousin? It sounds like "Jerry Springer"
But I see his point, for Roxane's no minger
But with a nose like a Zepplin, he's got no chance
(Though nose-size may indicate what's in your pants)
Plus she likes Christian who's kind of a twit
With no talent for words or rhymes that fit
But to win over Roxane you need brains too
Unlike many women, for whom vodka will do
So Christian delivers words composed by Cyrano
To seduce Roxane - tres cunning, no?
It's Cyrano's only way to be able to love her
For he'll never be able to get his leg over
It works like a charm and all goes so well
Til the Count de Guiche turns up like a smell
He hates Cyrano and loves Roxane
And is really just a dirty old man
He troubles the lovers no small amount
And really is a total Count
To say anymore of the plot would spoil it
And you would shove my head down the toilet
This is a great film, with lots of panache
Big battles, romance, heroes cutting a dash
I definitely think you should give it a whirl
Though it might make you cry like a six year old girl
(I hope you realise that I'm not talking about me
Cry? Ha ha ha! No I'm dead hard, you see).
I shall give this here film 10/10
Because I can watch it again and again
Finally I must mention the great Depardieu
And then bid adieu to yeu and yeu and yeu
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