Today I was listening to a history lecture about Henry I, the king after the more memorable William the Conqueror. Well, follow-ups are never as good are they?
The thing that stuck in my head was "Touching The King's Evil" because it sounds a bit rude. However it is actually the legend, started in Henry I's time, that the king could cure scrofula, which is a swelling of the neck glands, just by touching them. This was his divine power, given to him by God. Or so he claimed.
It's a bit bloody random, isn't it? If you're going to claim divine power, you'd think you'd pick something other than "can cure fairly obscure disease". I would have claimed I could see the future and talk to lizards, like David Icke that time.
It is like if Superman, instead of having the power to fly and deflect bullets had been given random superpowers like the ability to outstare cats or know when there are Mormons at the front door. And why just scrofula?
MAN: Excuse me, I've got a bit of a sore throat.
HENRY: I'm sorry. I only do scrofula.
MAN: Well, it might turn into scrofula. Go on, give it a go.
HENRY: Oh all right. I hereby touch thee, prod prod.
MAN: Nothing! You're USELESS Henry the First!
HENRY: Well I did say...
MAN 2: Excuse me, I've got piles...
HENRY: And YOU can sod right off.
It turns out that this whole curing disease thing was just another way for a slightly dodgy king to justify taking the throne. Which is why Mr. Boots The Chemist should actually be ruling England now instead of Queen Elizabeth. I know I wouldn't want her touching MY evil.
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