Summer, 1983 in Scarborough. Groups of tubby pink holidaymakers throng the streets eating ice-cream and being unpleasant. What's a local boy to do? See "Octopussy" and "Return of the Jedi" several times! Octopussy was notable for having a theme tune with no mention of even ONE pussy, never mind eight and Return of the Jedi was the final film in the Star Wars Saga (they claimed).
"The Empire Strikes Back" ended with Han Solo being deep-frozen and Luke having his right hand cut off, which if you are a teenage boy is the 2nd worse thing imaginable. So in "Return of the Jedi" Princess Leia must rescue the Hancicle from a bunch of Muppets, lead by something that looks like it came out of a footballer's nose. Of course it all goes horribly wrong but Luke flies in to the rescue in a black cape indicating two things:
a) He's flirting with his "Dark Side"
b) He shops at "Zara"
Meanwhile, The Empire is building a new Death Star with the same destructive capabilities as the first, plus en-suite facilities. In order to destroy it the gang have to visit a nearby planet to switch off a force-field.
In an inspiring finale, the evil Empire with their advanced technology get taken out by a bunch of furry little chaps with tiny weapons. Han and Leia finally get it on, and Luke confronts his father.
I found the finale to the ending of the denouement a little disappointing, mainly because Darth didn't look nearly mangled enough without his mask for my liking. Also, he didn't have a cool voice like James Earl Jones anymore! It was all just special effects like Milli Vanilli! Huh.
Still, I have fond memories of "Return of the Jedi" for the Walkers, the huge giant space battle, the speeder bike chase, Jobbie The Hutt and that gold bikini.
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